How have I only truly understood the terms demisexuality and polysexuality until recently? Where have I been hiding? I like to think of myself who is an open-minded individual but I am beginning to think otherwise. I try to not judge. I try to accept people for who they are. So how am I just figuring all of this out about myself? What makes it even crazier is that I have known Elliott Alexzander for the past 3+ years and worked with him as the Creative Director for his brand #GENDERFLUX and he has been blogging about all of this for years and STILL didn’t figure it out.
I was continually enlightened by his posts about his gender identity and sexuality and felt so proud of him for being so true, open and honest that I think I just wasn’t correlating the ideals of his posts to my personal life. All of this has been right in front of my face and I just wasn’t seeing it. Years of conversations that all pointed to these simple ideals yet nothing was clicking. Let’s start by reading the definitions below.
Demisexuals are characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any person unless they become deeply emotionally or romantically connected with a specific person or persons. The level of connection it takes for sexual desire to form is dependent on how close the relationship is rather than initial attraction. It is an orientation that is not chosen.
Demisexuality does not refer to the active restraint or repression of sexual desires or actions.
Demi- is a prefix meaning half. This is used to mean halfway between sexual and asexual. The term originated in the asexual community, specifically within the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN).
Sexual partner: Hey, I think you are sexy. *aroused*
Demisexual partner: I'd have to reach a higher level of emotional intimacy before I could feel the same way. =\
Sexual partner: Oh, I see. Well, we can do something enjoyable together. =/
Demisexual partner: =D We can bake a cake for now!
Sexual partner: Sure! That's always fun, although we seem to be doing that a lot. =D
Demisexual partner: *squeee! bonding time!*
Polysexuality refers to people who are sexually attracted to more than one gender or sex but do not wish to identify as bisexual as it infers that there are only two genders. Polysexuals often include the idea of a third gender, often regarding transgender as the seperate third gender and subsequently being sexually attracted to people in that category.
I classify myself as a follower of polysexuality because I'm sexually attracted to people that fall both in and out of being catagorised simply as male or female
Once I had my moment of understanding my gender, the fact that I have always seen myself as neither (male nor female) but just didn’t know Agender was a thing, I immediately understood my sexuality. I’m not gay. I am a mix of Polysexual and Demisexual. Why a combination? Because I understand that I acknowledge more than two genders and am attracted to different people who consist of the third gender. Additionally I have to emotionally connect to that person in order to feel an attraction to begin with. What I less than love about myself is that I currently still have my “preferences” to begin with. My hope for myself is that I can get to a place of not having any preferences and that I may eventually identity as pansexual.
Something interesting to consider is, I understand that I don’t like rules and stereotypes when it comes to people. I believe that you should be able to do whatever you wish with your body. I believe that pansexuality is a fantastic notion. My poe is that one day we will revert back to a time when humans fell in love with humans and no one was bothered. I don’t even know of such time but I can feel like surely this was real at some point in the history of the human race. Perhaps it was before people decided to introduce rules and terms into society that would have eventually proven to be harmful. That is a rant for another post for another time so I digress back to this final thought.
Does this mean that I may wind up in a relationship with a biological female who identities as heterosexual therefore resulting in me being in a long term heterosexual relationship? Now THAT is something that up until right now at this moment I would have said, had anyone asked, “NEVER!”. Is this concept too radical a thought or is this direction we are heading? I don’t know about “we” but I know I am trying to get here.